After attending the Create.Republic general meeting today, I feel worried for me. Knowing that they are going to be strict on our school attendance and grades had made my heart feel uneasy. My grades and attendance had been very bad for second semester. I wonder what happened to my good student streak during first semester. I followed the rules and the most I skipped a module was three times. Look what happened now. What’s worse is that this is only my first year. I bet my GPA is going to decrease and to think about catching up and doing my very best next year seems like a very hard thing to do. Would I ever be able to do that? To really mean what I say and prove it with some action?
I’m really worried now. I don’t want to repeat modules next year. Dear God, please, give me hope. I only got myself to blame for this nonsense that I got myself into. I feel like I am the only one who is in this mess. I feel like I am the only one who is going through this. I know I am not the only one but I just feel like I am. It just feels like I am pulling just myself into the mess and it’s only me who understands what I am feeling and what is on my mind.
This rebellion isn’t going anywhere. Whatever happens to my high dreams and enthusiasm? The proud feeling of getting what I wanted? What if the one thing that you really wanted isn’t what it is in the end? I’m having doubts, I swear I am. I don’t know if I’m even doing the right thing. Like I said, I feel like I’m the only one who understands me. It feels like no one else does. Maybe because no matter what you say, I won’t listen. Because I feel like you won’t understand.
Letters regarding my poor attendance keep coming in and yet it doesn’t look like I care. Well I do now. Because I’m worried. No, don’t say anything to me now. Don’t ask me anything because I just want to keep it in the back of my head. I’m doing my best now, if that’ll make you feel better.
All I need now is love because I feel like I could cry myself to sleep. Even if it’s about the littlest thing, I might just get emotional. I need to know there’s someone out there who cares. Because I feel alone now. I really do.
