I really don’t know what I want. At times, I feel like I am on top of the world. Like anything else that I don’t and can’t have, I don’t care about them. Although at other times, even the slightest bit of [I don’t know the word] can cause agitation, confusion and so many other negative things. I’d feel low and sad, get a little emotional and starts wondering why am I like this. It could be a little misunderstanding, it could be a little complication… all these could have an effect on me. Either I’d become uneasy or uncomfortable or a little stressed out. And then it could all snap.
And it’s all in my head. It’s all in my head. In my heart, bottled up.
I’m not surprised if I’d end up killing you, shooting you in the head. It could be anyone of you.
Okay, ignore my selfless and ignorant thoughts.
Happy Birthday, Dad. We could have gone out, you know, if we didn’t believe what the weather shows. Oh well. You’re getting old, old man. On so many occasions, you were so nice to me. On many unexpected occasions, you’d surprise me with your sincerity. Though there were times, as time flies, good times that had been missed. I’m growing up, and you’re getting old. It’s only you now left and I can bet that the day where my worst fear and the fear that I had been escaping and running away from will come true really soon. Responsibility will catch up with me. Adulthood will ride on my back. And yet, I am still like this.
Sigh. Will I only accept the fact when reality crashes down on me with no mercy that I had to beg on my knees for God to save me? Show me the way, please.
I wish to be that little girl again, feeling safe next to him. Haha, he looked like the man in the picture in the background. You'll know who he is.
